Grandmother's Big Teeth

As medical skills add years to life, we moan and groan about caring for the oldsters.

Grandmother is being put in her place. Grandfather doesn't live so long.

"No, I can't go with you," says a friend with a righteous, self-sacrificing air. "Mother is with us, you know."

"I'll meet you after I make a call," says another. "Mother's at Happy Dell Rest House now. We had to move her over there. Really, it wasn't fair to the family. Older folks have other ideas and habits - and the children couldn't - and my husband -."

Ironically, all our medical skills are increasing our span of life. We support the increases, too. We're proud we can add more years to our own and our children's lives. And what do we do then with the added years? We moan and groan about taking care of the oldsters living through them! It's supposed to be different when we get there.

We're making the problems. If we're to be consistent, we must discontinue public health and inoculations and medical and surgical research. We must stop trying to cut down maternal and infant mortality and forget the antibiotics. If we're living longer and liking it, why don't we treat grandmothers as the culmination of strong heredity and controlled environment? Grandmothers can advance studies in human relations. We work with younger members in our family units, why not continue on with the older?

For a long time now the accepted mode of living has been the family group. Our children are fed regularly, their rest arranged, their recreation supervised. We're glad when they reach the age of self-sufficiency. We're glad to drop our responsibilities. So, we don't want to take on grandmother. We have developed too much egocentricity, a natural out-growth of our stress on individuality. Our philosophy solves everything by cutting out the problems and the people who make them.

I knew a doctor who bragged about his six patients who were "pushing 100," happy, active and fairly well. "I'm proud of them," he said. "We can do wonderful things for these oldsters."

These oldsters can do wonderful things for us. A growing family needs a grandmother - long after her baby-sitting is over. She can help develop those intangibles that build character: Peace of mind - sharing past experiences, providing a place for confidences apart from the busy rush of the rest of the household. Patience - cooperating with the slowing of age's physical and mental activities. Kindness. Kindness shines forth through all sorts of industry and it often needs to be learned.

And there are not only these advantages. Grandmother is an example of what life is all about. Children brought up with a grandmother are going to learn first hand of joy and sorrow, love and death. What easier way could we pick? Should they be sheltered from unhappiness and the natural processes of living? Won't they be stronger adults for their knowledge?

The disadvantages can be obvious. Grandmothers are often unexpected and unwelcome. There is jealousy-it rears its ugly head with two positive women in one household. There are family arguments-grandmothers sometimes become the excuses for them. There are changes in privacy, the changes and adjustments that come with the growth of children. Why not with grandmothers?

But it's not a matter of weighing advantages against disadvantages. It's a matter of conduct. We have Mother, Dad, Children, and Grandmother. What's so complicated about that? Let's stop thrashing around and clucking sympathies to each other. When we view life in the family as part of living, this pettiness becomes shameful, and the extra care and minor harassments unimportant. We and Grandmother settle back into our right relationships-no teeth showing.

ebr8809@aol.com