Tithonos' e-mail

An e-mail sent to our medical society, translated from the Greek.

I also understand that I might obtain similar benefits through working, a tax-and-promise scheme ("FICA") which we call an Odyssean Ponzi; and that certain, of your mortal gods (Retired Politicians) receive those benefits, plus a continuous supply of gold, even though they may have been thrown from your Mount Olympus after only a few years of "service." However, the Ponzi is not attractive at this point, and actually, given the option, I prefer not to work. (I'm old but not stupid yet.) I am considering joining you there, but would like to know more before deciding. Could you please address the following questions by return email:

Is your country really on the other side of River Ocean? That would be off the disk of the world! On Olympus the immortals have been too busy messing up our neighbors to keep up. Not even Hermes knows how to get there. Please send a map with instructions.

People there have too many languages. Couldn't you use only Greek?

When Eos (Dawn) fell in love with me I was young. She convinced Zeus to grant me immortality, but forgot I would become ever older forever. Here I am now more than 2,400 years old, and I look and feel it. I read that your immortal gods, Technos and Money, may soon make all your people immortal, but old. How can they all be provided for?

It is clear from the internet that some people in USA are above the laws for ordinary mortals. Can I be granted that status as an immortal demigod, or are those privileges limited to the government, the wealthy, or the illegal?

I can no longer get about, and rosy-fingered Eos tired of me 23 centuries ago, when she realized I would age forever. Since then she keeps me in a locked room. How are the rooms where you keep your old people?

Please respond soon. I am excited about making a change. Besides, I am really, really tired of mutton, ouzo and grape leaves.

Sincerely,

Tithonos@aethernet.org/Olympus

PS: For the last 10 centuries, some of the guys have been having trouble with a favorite pastime. They want to know how to get something called Viagra. Zeus¹ especially asks whether it works for bulls and swans. Also, he particularly wants to be remembered to his friend, Bill.

1. Zeus, God of Gods, has an enormous and varied sexual appetite, having had at least 30 illegitimate children by 300 BC. (God knows how many by now.) He took Ledo in the form of a swan, and Europa in the guise of a bull. For these reasons, it's unclear whether his greeting is directed to US President Bill, or to our executive director; one hopes it is the former.